I Will Shine the Light

Hello again, world!


I know I missed my last deadline, March 31st...please forgive me. I had every intention of writing a blog, but time flies by here. Faster than you could even imagine. But here I am, April 30th, writing this at the last moment as always. I will try to share some highlights from these past two months, but I cannot even begin to include it all. So much has happened since March, mostly beautiful moments, so I will guide you along a brief walk of my life.


While this already seems like years ago, one of the first things of note that happened in early March is the one year anniversary of the corner family's mom/aunt/sister/daughter passing away (she is one of those for everyone living there).  This may be the family I am closest with, as I have the pleasure of seeing them every day.  They break my heart day in and day out because of their struggles, such as the struggle of losing a mom, of not always having enough money for food that day, not being able to afford the bus or notebooks for school, not having a consistent job, no strong role models....the list goes on. However, this was one beautiful moment to share with them.  We went to mass in the morning with the family to remember them--and that was the first and only time I have seen them go to mass.  All was great until the sign of peace, when God and I had quite a moment.  I don't think I have ever wanted peace upon anyone so badly as I did at that time. Praying about this and truly desiring it more than anything sent me into hysterics for the first time in, well, a long time.  But the moment was so holy and full of grace.  Later, we went to the cementary to visit the grave.  I felt priviledged by being allowed to hold their hands, give hugs, and offer support.  Stefany, the 13 (now 14) year old especially got to me; I told her all about my mom, and while of course I wish my mom had never died, the fact that she did brought me even closer to her and the entire family.  I could relate with her on a level that no one else could offer.  And after 12 years, here I am, strong and being a good example for her to follow.  Hope that it someday will all be okay.  Just a few days later, we celebrated Stefany's birthday.  While bittersweet, we laughed more than imaginable and brought to life that there can be joy amidst the pain.


Later that month, I was lucky enough to lead Fordham University, a great group of college students.  I wrote about the joys of retreat groups in my last blog, and although this group was entirely different than my high school boys, it was equally amazing.  Their energy, insights, and vigor reenergized me and helped me to feel even more blessed for being here this year.


Of course, one thing I know you dear readers want to know about is my visit with Eric.  Eric came here the end of March, right after our four year anniversary.  This truly was one of my favorite times so far, even though it feels so apart from the rest of my year here.  I showed him my life here--introduced him to neighbors, took him to my worksites at Nuevo Mundo and Semillas de Mostaza, and relaxed with my community.  We also went to the beach for the weekend, which was beautiful and a lot of fun.  I think we had the perfect week, albeit too short.  I am happy that he knows my life here, can picture the faces of the people I talk about, and can visualize where  I am.  Yet I also know we needed the time with just the two of us in order to talk for hours without having to worry about bad connections and running out of minutes, walk on the beach, hold hands and just to be with each other.  I am grateful that he came and sad that I cannot visit him, but I know that someday I will know his life in Bolivia just as he got to know mine here.  I feel so blessed to have him in my life: someone who understands what I am doing here, listens to my problems, challenges me to be my best self, and loves me for who I am.  So all of you doubters, no, we did not break up (as a lot of Ecuadorians thought was going to happen), but even after 9 months in Ecuador we stronger than ever.


Another vignette I will share is that of Holy Week.  While my Lent was not too fruitful, Holy Week went above and beyond my expectations.  We began the week by watching the Passion of the Christ, reflected on the stations, and prayed a lot individually and in community.  On Thursday, Jules, Liz and I went to Mt. Sinai (another RdC house further away and with a thriving parish life) for Holy Thursday mass and stayed there for the procession of the stations on Friday Morning.  Wow, it was powerful.  To be amidst such poverty while people were so truly thankful...it was incredible.  Reflecting on Jesus' suffering, death, and resurrection while thinking about my friends here brought the Easter purpose to an entirely new level.  It is easy for people in Ecuador to become caught up in the suffering and death, which is understandable considering they live in that every day.  Yet I know we are not to lose sight of the hope of the resurrection, of the new life that is coming and the grace that Jesus has bestowed upon every one of us.


The most noteworthy thing that has happened in April thus far is that classes at Nuevo Mundo have resumed.  This means that I am done working at Semillas de Mostaza (I already miss the kids so much!), but I think it was time for me to be back at Mundo.  At first, I did not want to come back because I know that teaching is not my passion.  However, I realized that I needed an attitude change if this semester is going to be good whatsoever.  So I made myself excited and here I am, in my third week and really enjoying myself.  This year, I have the decimos (who I had as novenos last year, except now I have the whole class instead of half) and two classes of cuartos (aka 8-9 year olds. So cute).  I am thus far liking my classes.  The little kids can be tough, mainly because I am not certified to teach at all, let alone know tricks for the lil' guys.  Yet they are also really cute and bring me a lot of joy (as well as about 30 stickers a day, a cool pen, and a stuffed bear).  I think if I only had them, I would go crazy and feel a need for older kids, but they bring a surprisingly happy variety to my life.  Yes, teaching is a lot of work and it is hard to get the willpower to plan, grade, etc when all I want to do when I'm not at school is be out in my neighborhood, talk to the girls, or sleep, but I am happy with the way this semester is going.


So, what is a theme I can sum up these past few months in and leave you with?  Lately, my prayer has been to be a humble servant of God, an agent of his love, hope, and grace.  Clearly, I falter all of the time.  But I think I am growing in this regard.  Whether at Mundo, in my neighborhood, or in my community, my desire is to be God's love.  There are times when this is especially challenging--with people that are harder to see Christ in, when I just want to be selfish, or when situations seem devoid of light.  But I want to try to find the light and shine it brightly.  This spans from the problems in the corner house, the abuse that still occurs to little Samuel, medical problems that seem hopeless, a lack of emphasis or care on education, and poverty cycles that don't seem breakable.  Yet then I turn my head and I see people who are breaking the cycle, have overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and stand as beacons of hope for me and those around them.  I walk into Jesus and Walter's new house which is almost done and listen to them tell me how they never thought they would have their own house in their lifetimes.  I see beautiful families like Pastora's or Carlos's, both good friends, who push their children to study and not give up.  I listen to Silvia, a Mundo teacher and neighbor, share her story and hear how much she has worked for the betterment of her own community.  I dance, laugh, sing, eat, cry, hug, love with all of my heart.  I recede, forget, become selfish, but then my heart gets filled all over again when I find myself face to face with Christ.  And how can it not?  Right now, I am reading a book called Radical Compassion: Finding Christ in the Heart of the Poor by Gary Smith, S.J., and he talks about how it is with the poor that we discover who Christ is and who we are.  Unfortunately, I don't have my book with me at the moment to get the quote I want (I will find it soon!), but I will leave you with this excerpt instead:


"I realize that God brought me into this world, blessed with skills 
and talents. The only thing that makes sense to me is to use them in the service of the poor. It is at their feet that I find myself."


So this is my work.  To find Christ in others, find myself in Christ, and to leave them the hope and love that can only come from above.


Until next time,
Paz y amor

 Some members of the corner family (Stefany is not included)

 Fordham University

Eric, Liz, and Jules...always the goofers!